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Grief isn’t just about the death of someone or something we cared deeply for, grief is also about loss, the end of a marriage or relationships, lost jobs, lost homes, lost opportunities.
Grief is a very personal journey; we each grieve in our own way in our own time. Grief also brings out different feelings in each individual at different stages of their grief process, such as deep sadness, depression, teariness, anxiety, guilt, anger, resentment, relief, circular thoughts, insomnia.
The pain can be intense, we can get lost in a dark fog never thinking that there could be an end, so we try to bury the feelings, mask the pain, lock it away in a box. This is not the answer; we must allow ourselves to feel the emotion, work though the pain and then let it all go.
This does not, however, mean that we should lose the memories we have of, say, that person where the relationship just did not work out, or of the wonderful times shared with our much-missed pet or family member whose time was taken from them far too soon. Our plant friends can help us on this healing journey by helping to reopen our closed hearts and to give us the courage to address our emotions as we process them.
Western medicine is only starting to slowly acknowledge what traditional healing systems have known for thousands of years – how important our emotional wellness is to our physical health. Just as our health depends on a good digestive system, our health also depends on us properly processing and digesting our emotions.
I took sleeping pills every night for months after my son, Finlay, died inexplicably during childbirth in June 2014. The pills did their job. They knocked me out so that I could get the rest that my body desperately needed to recover from 22+ hours of active labor, an unexpected Cesarean surgery, and the acute anguish that accompanied the grief I bore for my beloved child. Looking back, though, I wish that I had known something about herbal medicine. I would have preferred relying less on pharmaceuticals and more on the healing wisdom of plants and the people who have used them for millennia.
Even before beginning a two-year herbalism program, I began an independent study of herbs traditionally used for grieving and healing. Consulting books, online articles, and podcasts, I charted the herbs that stood apart as healing aids for our mental, emotional, and physical states during heartache and bereavement. I experimented with my own grief tea blends, herb-infused honeys, and grief bitters to bring these healers into my home. I found this research and experimentation to be a wonderful supplement to the various forms of self-care that I was practicing, including acupuncture, yoga, talk therapy, writing, and Reiki.
While there are many herbs, not to mention flower essences, that might serve you in a time of deep grief, sudden loss, or extended sorrow, I highlight a few plant allies here, hoping that this brief exploration through a vast botanical world inspires you to learn more. I encourage you to do your own research and to consult with medical professionals, especially if you are pregnant or taking prescription medications.
Hawthorn is a cardiovascular powerhouse; it has been shown to lower cholesterol levels and high blood pressure (Wood, 2008). And why is this beneficial for grief? Maria Noël Groves (2016) notes that the heart is “a primary seat of emotion (as are the lungs and belly). When you experience immense grief, your heart breaks. […] And when you’re snuggled up in peace and love, those feelings radiate from your heart” (217). A member of the Rose family, hawthorn surfaces as a primo healer of heartache and grief. You can use its berries, flowers, and leaves to make teas, infused honeys, and elixirs.
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